This deadpan faux interview in Wired is probably the best parody of a cigar-chomping old-school record executive I've ever seen. It hits all the essential notes -- curmudgeonliness, arrogance, transparently self-serving self-righteousness, withering contempt for the consumer, a habitual sense of entitlement built from years of easy profits, absolute short-term ruthlessness coupled with an almost quaintly naive technophobia, and utter like-I-give-a-fuck indifference to how he's coming across. This is a character who thinks the drinks at Starbucks cost a mere $2, and who asks, rhetorically, how much you'd be willing to pay for Coca-Cola if it came out of the tap in your kitchen, ignoring that Coca-Cola sells $800 million worth of tap water every year. Hell, at one point he even tries to pass off Morgan Freeman's Shmoo monologue from Lucky Number Slevin as his own bit -- repurposed as a parable of the fundamental wrongness of intellectual property theft. That is some seriously brilliant satirical writing.
A few more choice excerpts:
There's no one in the record company that's a technologist," Morris explains. "That's a misconception writers make all the time, that the record industry missed this. They didn't. They just didn't know what to do. It's like if you were suddenly asked to operate on your dog to remove his kidney. What would you do?"Personally, I would hire a vet. But to Morris, even that wasn't an option. "We didn't know who to hire," he says, becoming more agitated. "I wouldn't be able to recognize a good technology person — anyone with a good bullshit story would have gotten past me."
[...]
When I suggest to Morris that the labels gave Jobs license to create what was in effect an Apple Walkman that played only Apple cassettes, it's Caraeff who answers. "Looking back, the best thing we could have done would have been to mandate one format," he says. So why didn't that happen? Morris is happy to field this one. "It never crossed anyone's mind!" he exclaims. "We were just grateful that someone was selling online. The problem is, he became a gatekeeper. We make a lot of money from him, and suddenly you're wearing golden handcuffs. We would hate to give up that income."
[...]
Back in his dining room, Morris is incredulous. He's once again talking about how his job should simply be finding and breaking new acts.
This stereotype of the dinosaur-like record exec who hasn't noticed that the asteroid has already struck the earth was probably never exactly true in the first place, but in addition to being a fun read, this piece does make for a convenient shorthand sketch of everything the industry is now desperately trying to distance themselves from, by hiring people like Rick Rubin and...
... whoa, whoa, hold up. You're telling me that is a real interview with Doug Morris, who is, in fact, the CEO of Universal Music Group?
Currently?
[PS Howie Klein's response is also a must-read.]
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Actually, I enjoyed reading this man's perspective. I wasn't offended at all. It sort of reminded me of some of the passages in a great book called Mansion On The Hill which adds some perspective to Morris' views (and is far from a glowing one dimensional look at the history of the rock and roll recording industry).
And this quote from the interviewer “Ultimately, it's convenience and ease of use that drive new media formats. That's why cassettes made inroads against records, why CDs killed them both, and why MP3s are well on their way to burying CDs.” I don’t exactly disagree with that. But it doesn’t make me happy at all. I don’t like mp3s. They sound like shit. They do not represent for me a leap forward by any stretch of the imagination – not when it comes to sound. And sound is what I am passionate about.
As an artist, I’m not exactly worried about “convenience” and “ease of use.” I don’t worry about those things at all when I’m creating or listening to work. In fact, trying to figure out how to continue my own artistic journey in this so-called brave new digital world is about an uneasy a thing an individual can do.
BUT there are so many interesting hybrids out there – both artistic and when it comes to financial survival…I will continue to absorb but look beyond the life experience of executives like Morris as well as the editors of Wired magazine. Somewhere in between the two may be my future…
Posted by: Chris Becker | 29 November 2007 at 02:48 PM
Chris, Chris, Chris. I'm not offended. I am amused.
If a CEO in any other industry admitted in a public forum:
"Yeah, our sales have been in free-fall for the past several years and will continue to nosedive for the foreseeable future. This is mostly due to the fact that I don't really give a shit about the technology that has transformed our industry. In fact, I give so little of a shit that I did not bother to even learn enough about the topic to be in a position to hire someone who might possibly have been able to prevent -- or at the very least, foresee -- the total clusterfuck you see before you today"
... then one might reasonably conclude that this was a CEO on his way out the door.
Posted by: DJA | 29 November 2007 at 11:23 PM
Hey at least he's taking ownership of his ignorance! :)
Can you imagine Quincy Jones ever saying something like that? Or Jay-Z? Hell no.
But even the quote you cite above reads to me as being pretty honest and delivered with some sense of perspective of how the paradigm has shifted. This interview to me reads like a review of the history of the recording industry from the mouth of someone who was in the trenches. I may disagree with the man's past decision making, but I am not amused by him. He's funny - but I'm not laughing AT him.
I'm sorry, but Wired magazine actually gives a shit about my survival in the 21st century as an artist? I don't think so...
And I did not say you (Darcy) were offended.
More reading:
Tricksta by Nik Cohn
Posted by: Chris Becker | 30 November 2007 at 12:46 PM