I can't sing no song of hope

You know how John McCain has been running all of those ads complaining that Barack Obama is "popular" and "inspiring" and "adored by millions of people around the world"? Well, it turns out that one of the benefits of having people actually like you is that it's a lot easier to get artists to agree to allow their songs to be used by your campaign. While Obama has apparently commissioned new campaign theme songs from Joss Stone, Alicia Keys, and Jay-Z, McCain, on the other hand, is having trouble securing the rights to use any music at all:

Regular readers will recognize that this isn't the first time McCain has received the cold shoulder from the music industry. Earlier this year, ABBA nixed McCain's attempt to use "Take a Chance on Me" (a personal favorite) at his rallies. "We played it a couple times and it's my understanding they went berserk," the candidate confessed. John Hall, formerly of the 1970s band Orleans and now a Democrat ic congressman from New York, wouldn't let McCain use “Still the One." When hardline Dem John Mellencamp learned that McCain was blasting "Pink Houses" before events, he requested that the Republican cease and desist. Shortly thereafter, McCain settled on "Johnny B. Goode" as his signature song. "It might be because it is the only one [the artist] hasn't complained about us using," he said at the time. But Chuck Berry quickly came out for Obama. While Will.i.am, Arcade Fire, the Decemberists, the Grateful Dead, Macy Gray and Wilco have personally serenaded Obama fans at campaign events, McCain's musical support has been limited to octogenarian composer Burt Bacharach and one half of the novelty country duo Big & Rich. Even the reliably Republican Ted Nugent is no fan. "McCain seem[s] to be catering to a growing segment of soulless Americans who could care less what they can do for their country, but whine louder and louder about what their country must do for them," says the Motor City Madman (who has the same criticism for Obama). "That is both un-American and pathetic."

Attention McCain staffers: do not despair. I have your new campaign theme song right here. I'd be perfectly willing to license it to the campaign -- for a suitable fee, of course. I recommend that you play this stirring number any time the candidate takes the stage, enters a room, or appears on television. I think you will find it vividly encapsulates everything John McCain stands for.

[hat tip: Daniel Wolf]

Comments

[Jeff Schwartz]

1.

Bacharach? Say it ain't so!

[mclaren]

2.

Oh, I dunno, I think there are plenty of songs that would work great for McCain campaign ads.

For example, Skinny Puppy's "Deep Down Trauma Hounds" (From their album Cleanse, Fold, and Manipulate):

holding his hands
dream the whole week
radiance hissing rodent speak
elective evil once started
shot struck home so it goes

inches towards flattened back
on all fours drawn and racked
doesn't mean a thing

nature perverts itself so it goes
so what the hell let it grow
regret so full of haste coming clear
piss in blood

etc.

Then there's that nifty little ditty "Killing Games" from Skinny Puppy's album Last Rights:

Fallen angel head crashes dead out of control
Lost memories staircase twists
Darker rooms lit with left out toys
After playing mean changes toys into tools
Twisted playthings on the staircase fools
Fools weapons represents the killing game
Who taught the killing game
Who taught the killing game

(and so forth)

Tons 'o songs out there that'd fit McCain ads. Pearl Jams' "Do the evolution":

Woo..
I'm ahead, I'm a man
I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah
I'm at peace with my lust
I can kill cause in God I trust, yeah
It's evolution, baby

I'm at piece, Im the man
Buying stocks on the day of the crash
On the loose, Im a truck
All the rolling hills, I'll flatten em out, yeah
It's herd behavior, uh huh
It's evolution, baby

(and it just goes on like that. The music video is even better.)

Or Napalm Death's song "Parasites" or "Scum" or "Human Garbage," oh, there's just a boatload 'o possibilities.